If I were an animal, I’d be a horse. An Indian paint horse. Wild and gypsy soul, a mane as untamed as the wind that teases it. (I actually have that untamed mane thing, but that’s another story.)
I wouldn’t say I’m an animal lover. I’ve only been around horses a few times in my life.
My Aunt and Uncle had a horse farm growing up, and I remember the distinct smells of hay bails stacked to the tip top of the barn. The swoosh of tails, their soulful eyes…pearl black eyes and long lashes, searching me…trusting me.
In those days I pet their velvet noses, climbed atop their warm back with the southwestern style blanket beneath my tanned skinny knock knees, and let my uncle lead me around the small dusty corral, worn leather straps in his four fingers. (He had lost one in an unfortunate tractor accident)
I was on top of the world back then. The view from up there on that horses back, the cool wind in my hair, well…I think it was the first time I felt like flying!
Seems like a lifetime ago, but can you picture it? I can surly reach out and touch that memory! Wide eyed and fearless!
Today…a zillion and one year later, I have a painting of a horse in my living room. Nothing fancy, just a print I stumbled on it spoke to that 10yr old girl within me. My very own present-day 10yr old jokes, “Momma, that horse reminds me of you!! It has crazy hair just like you!” I feel like that screen shot in Ferris Buellers Day Off, at the Art Museum….staring–staring–staring at the Monet. My Horse print is titled “Freedom” and, yes. I do believe there is a resemblance!
14 months ago is when I found “Freedom” We had moved again. (3rd time in 2 years)
I remember praying, on hands and knees as I sent my 9yr old off to school crying…again….(the four eyed spike haired kindergarten brother visually sucking in as much air to become BIG brother & protector–these two were thick as thieves since our arrival) 3yr old little sister is upstairs asleep. (momentarily excusing me from her own separation anxiety tantrum) I pray right there, staring out the window at the breathtaking morning and the blue-green hills of Tennessee…”God no fear! I relent! Your will be done!” I tried everything! I thought…I had prayed, but not really. I hadn’t let go. Given myself, my children my husband (worried by the 40 miles each way to work). It’s one of the most successful ways to break this girl…the breaking of my children, my wonderful husband. Each day I woke…Love, encourage, pray repeat–notice I do not say sleep–I was as sleepless as my heartbroken 3rd grader.
But, days and months went by, bit by bit I was broken. (like breaking an unruly horse). Still fighting to go MY way, in the midst of the uncertainty, I chose.. (although unsteady and with watchful eye)..huffing and puffing resisting, but trusting my Master’s lead. I worked at chucking fear off like a heavy clump of mud on the “soul’s” of my shoes.
Oh, I have so much to learn!
Today, my children run freely, happy laughter echoing under the cloudless blue Tennessee sky we call home. Music kicking up dust in the sunlight…FREE. I feel completely free, a gift from my Father.
I still get rebellious, “chomping at the bit” I’m impatient for where I’m headed…what it all means…But, His gentle hand soothes my shivers, guides me home and then releases me! Pure unbridled joy!
There is so much power in the mind. Trust in love and it will take you where you need to go!
A recent precept (a word I only recently learned! Meaning: “words to live by”…so much bigger than a “quote” if you ask me!)
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” ~unknown (sadly)
Oooooh, that’s good, admit it! Yes! Freedom indeed!!
Brandi Myers is a child of God, daughter of the one true King! Giddy wife and self proclaimed “Southern Momma”. A believer in people, and Love is law. You can catch a dose of her wild heart, photos and precepts on Facebook @ Pretty Head.